culture, politics, commentary, criticism

Friday, February 18, 2005
The Jeff Gannon variety show, part 1: You're the Top! The entertainment value of the saga of GannonGuckert seems sure to pay many tax-free dividends for weeks to come. On one of the lesser-known radio stations that still plays music, wouldn't it be great to hear a song that goes like this:
You're the Top!

Sung by Republican clients of Jeff Gannon
to the tune of Cole Porter's "You're the Top"

You're the top! You're an online hooker,
You're the top! By the name of Guckert,
You're a prostitute in a business suit disguise.
You're a shill for McClellan
Who writes for Talon,
Telling right-wing lies!

You're the Right, you're a tuneless crooner,
As uptight as a Peggy Nooner.
I'm the worthless john who led you on, a flop!
But if baby I'm the bottom,
You're the top!

You're the top! You're without credentials.
You're the top! But your bare essentials
Serve to take you down in this ruthless town so quick.
Hear the freepers shout
While you're whipping out
Your eight-inch dick!

You're a fake, you're a party stringer,
T-bone steak and a hired swinger.
I'm a homo spree in the GOP, a sop!
But if baby I'm the bottom,
You're the top!
With profuse apologies to Cole Porter, Ella Fitzgerald, etc.

Greatest Hits · Alternatives to First Command Financial Planning · First Command, last resort, Part 3 · Part 2 · Part 1 · Stealing $50K from a widow: Wells Real Estate · Leo Wells, REITs and divine wealth · Sex-crazed Red State teenagers · What I hate: a manifesto · Spawn of Darleen Druyun · All-American high school sex party · Why is Ken Lay smiling? · Poppy's Enron birthday party · The Saudi money laundry and the president's uncle · The sentence of Enron's John Forney · The holiness of Neil Bush's marriage · The Silence of Cheney: a poem · South Park Christians · Capitalist against Bush: Warren Buffett · Fastow childen vs. Enron children · Give your prescription money to your old boss · Neil Bush, hard-working matchmaker · Republicans against fetuses and pregnant women · Emboldened Ken Lay · Faith-based jails · Please die for me so I can skip your funeral · A brief illustrated history of the Republican Party · Nancy Victory · Soldiers become accountants · Beware the Merrill Lynch mob · Darleen Druyun's $5.7 billion surprise · First responder funding · Hoovering the country · First Command fifty percent load · Ken Lay and the Atkins diet · Halliburton WMD · Leave no CEO behind · August in Crawford · Elaine Pagels · Profitable slave labor at Halliburton · Tom Hanks + Mujahideen · Sharon & Neilsie Bush · One weekend a month, or eternity · Is the US pumping Iraqi oil to Kuwait? · Cheney's war · Seth Glickenhaus: Capitalist against Bush · Martha's blow job · Mark Belnick: Tyco Catholic nut · Cheney's deferred Halliburton compensation · Jeb sucks sugar cane · Poindexter & LifeLog · American Family Association panic · Riley Bechtel and the crony economy · The Book of Sharon (Bush) · The Art of Enron · Plunder convention · Waiting in Kuwait: Jay Garner · What's an Army private worth? · Barbara Bodine, Queen of Baghdad · Sneaky bastards at Halliburton · Golf course and barbecue military strategy · Enron at large · Recent astroturf · Cracker Chic 2 · No business like war business · Big Brother · Martha Stewart vs. Thomas White · Roger Kimball, disappointed Republican poetry fan · Cheney, Lay, Afghanistan · Terry Lynn Barton, crimes of burning · Feasting at the Cheney trough · Who would Jesus indict? · Return of the Carlyle Group · Duct tape is for little people · GOP and bad medicine · Sears Tower vs Mt Rushmore · Scared Christians · Crooked playing field · John O'Neill: The man who knew · Back to the top

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