·Popular past posts ·

The White House Christmas Special! Before I break for my winter hibernation, here is the Skimble transcription of a television show from one of the lesser-known cable channels. Please feel free to sing along:

Fade up on TV studio set of a Christmas scene: artificial Currier and Ives snowscapes, twinkling lights, a festively decorated Christmas tree, a Nativity scene, the White House.

The back wall of the studio is a blue cyclorama of a step-and-repeat pattern that says: "Reinforcing Christian values."


Host Pat Sajak enters, with an introductory song:

O Come All Ye Faith-Based

Sung by Pat Sajak to the tune of "Adeste Fidelis"

O come, all ye faith-based, joyful and triumphant,
Oh come ye, O come ye to Washington;
Come and behold him, born the King of Diebold;
O come, let us adore him, Karl the Rove.

Enter Karl Rove with a jolly tune.

Let 'Em Vote

Sung by Karl Rove to the tune of "Let It Snow"

Oh the media take dictation
And the Wal-Marts rule the nation
So as long as we got their goat
Let 'em vote! Let 'em vote! Let 'em vote!

The president's bad at speaking
So we'll do a little tweaking
And he'll learn his lines by rote
Let 'em vote! Let 'em vote! Let 'em vote!

When it's time to make George look great
With the Swift Vets it won't be so hard
After them everyone will forget
All the time he took off from the Guard!

Suspicions just keep on mounting
And Ohio still is counting
So as long as democracy's broke
Let 'em vote! Let 'em vote! Let 'em vote!

Enter disgruntled readers of The New York Times.

O Loathsome Ahmed Chalabi

Sung by the readers of The New York Times
to the tune of "O Little Town of Bethlehem"

O loathsome Ahmed Chalabi, how long we've heard thee lie
Above thy deep and soulless sleaze the helicopters fly
Yet in the streets of Baghdad, where bomb explosions light,
The hopes and fears of vile careers are met in thee tonight

[NEWSBREAK: Sinclair Broadcasting's "The Point"]


Enter a scarf-clad, color-coordinated group of singers.

Condoleeza Rice

Sung by the New Christian Minstrels
to the tune of "Winter Wonderland"

PDB
Are you listening
FBI
Memos glistening
The hijackers came
But she's not to blame
Nine-eleven Condoleeza Rice

And in August he'll be on vacation
She will have to brief him on the threat
Mention that Osama hates the nation
Maybe with an airplane or a jet

Later on
The Commission
Won't be down
With her vision
A failure to spot
What three thousand got
Nine-eleven Condoleeza Rice



An elaborate fanfare of jubilant trumpets. With tears of joy in his eyes, host Pat Sajak introduces the President of the United States.

As George W Bush takes center stage with the ecstatic studio audience applauding and speaking in tongues, the Seal of the President of the United States appears from above him and descends into place behind his head like a halo. In flowing white robes Ann Coulter and Peggy Noonan sing "Alleluia! Alleluia!" as a choir of Caucasian angels, strumming miniature golden harps, wordlessly intones celestial melodies from on high.

In an abrupt change of mood, Alan Jackson and Toby Keith enter, flanking the President, playing a jaunty tune on their guitars.

Spider Hole

Sung with a Texas twang by George W Bush
to the tune of "Jingle Bells"

Dashing to Iraq
With a stopoff in Kuwait
Overspend a lot
Catch the guy I hate
Cheney makes a face
Loves inflicting pain
‘Cause everything they’re losing there
Is Halliburton’s gain!

Oh, spider hole, spider hole,
Shock and awe and bomb
Oh what fun it is to try
To neutralize Saddam!
Silo nukes, Baathist gooks,
Nothing there? My bad!
Oh what fun to fry the guy
Who tried to kill my dad!

Cue nine-minute standing ovation.

See you in 2005 — sure to be a stinking, rotten year!

{ 1:33 PM }

.