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Abstinence makes the hardon harder. As I was driving through the state of Indiana this weekend, I noticed this billboard:


I find it difficult to believe that a billboard has any dampening influence on the sexual behavior of teenagers. So, for sheer ineffectiveness, this goofy hip-kid-abstinence image and its idiotic placement on a secondary highway amount to a fantastic waste of money for some fool.

Except that I am that fool. It's especially disturbing that I financed this billboard through my taxes — as witnessed by the website's listing of the program's federal grantees.

When right-wingers tag me with the scarlet letter of liberalism and insist that I hate America, this is one of the top reasons why they're correct. Because I hate American stupidity, especially very expensive and very harmful American stupidity, of which there are thousands of examples in the last seven years alone.

(And you know what, kids? Indiana is wrong. Sex shouldn't wait. You're not worth it. You're just like the rest of us and nothing special. So go ahead and fuck like everyone else who has ever been on earth since the beginning of time. God connected your genitals to the pleasure center of your brain, your hypothalamus — it would be a sin not to use them. Too bad the state of Indiana won't help you learn how to do it right — free of disease and unwanted pregnancy.)

{ 4:05 PM }

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