When [Ashton Kutcher's] friend Matt spotted Jenna and Barbara Bush, Matt graphically described his amorous intent, oblivious to the glares of the Secret Service agents: "I'd fucking nail the shit out of that bitch!"
"My God, he was not shutting up," says Kutcher. Nevertheless, Ashton met the twins, who asked what he was doing after the party. Everyone ended up going back to Kutcher's house, although he insisted the Secret Service stay outside. "So we're hanging out," Kutcher says. "The Bushes were underage-drinking at my house. When I checked outside, one of the Secret Service guys asked me if they'd be spending the night. I said no. And then I go upstairs to see another friend and I can smell the green wafting out under his door. I open the door, and there he is smoking out the Bush twins on his hookah."
The next morning, Kutcher picked up his phone -- and didn't get a dial tone. He assumes that ever since the Bushes' visit, the Secret Service has had his phone tapped.
So now Lil Jenna's all grown up and stuff — getting all engaged.
By planning to marry a nice Republican boy, Drunk'n'Spliffy Girl follows Coke Daddy's example and shows the world she's capable of pretending to clean up her act.
Meanwhile, the White House is going to fucking nail the shit out of Jenna's wedding for all it's worth.
And there you have what will be remembered Dubya's legacy in a nutshell — a big 2008 White House wedding for Drunk'n'Spliffy Girl, all calculated to goose Coke Daddy's record-breaking abysmal poll numbers before he's gone for the good of the whole world.
